We’ve all been there. Several drinks in on a night out and you spot someone across the crowded bar. You can’t take her eyes off her. You want to approach her and strike up a conversation. But you don’t know what you are gonna say to her. Anyways, you decide to talk to her and see what happens. For courage, you empty your drink and order another.
Let’s just pause there and think what is going to happen. You are too drunk to back up right now, so you walk up to her and says ‘Hi’. She also says Hi. You then introduce yourself and then what? You are trying to remember the pickup line you read in some Pickup Guru’s website that is supposed to work 99% of the time. But by now you realize that alcohol and memory don’t see eye to eye.
So you decide to throw away the pickup line and make small talk with her. You talk to her about some random stuff like the weather, the fat guy on the dance floor. But she doesn’t reply to any of that. Moreover, she seem a little uncomfortable. Her body language is completely changed by now. Even though she is looking at you, her whole body is turned away from you and her feet is pointing towards the exit.
Suddenly she needs to use the washroom and doesn’t wait for your reply. You patiently wait for her to return and after an hour or so you realize, she is not coming back.
If this has happened to you, then congrats; you have successfully creeped her out.
You may not be a creep in real life, but if you make someone you just met uncomfortable, it will ruin all your chances with her. You don’t want that to happen, do you?
How to approach a women without looking like a creep?
First of all don’t look like a creep
No women in the right sense of mind will want to go out with a guy who looks and talks like the villain in some old James Bond Movie.
In a study published by Dr Peter Jonason, a psychologist at the University of Western Sydney, found that the biggest turn-off for women was a slovenly or disheveled appearance. In the survey, of 5,500 singletons between the ages of 21 and 76, a huge 63 percent cited an unclean appearance as their top relationship deal-breaker.
If you haven’t taken bath for a week and have been wearing the same shirt for more than a day, then don’t be surprised when someone turns you down. Ask yourself, would you want to date a stranger who looks like a wreck? If you said yes, then you seriously have some issues.
Before going out, take a shower and put on fresh clothes. Make sure you iron them properly. If you don’t know how, then learn it or ask someone to do it for you. If you are too lazy to learn or ask someone, buy a pair of wrinkle-free shirts and trousers. On second thought, buy more than one pair. You will need it, trust me.
If you are still unsure what color to buy, go for red. A psychological study conducted in 2010 revealed that red enhances your attraction level. Women view men in red as higher in status, more likely to make money and more likely to climb the social ladder. And it’s this high-status judgment that leads to the attraction.
Cut your nails and don’t forget to shave. If you are against shaving, then at least trim your beard so that people wont mistake you for a cave man. Wash and comb you hair properly and get a haircut if its out of control. Also make sure your breath doesn’t stink. If you are unsure, get the professional opinion of your dentist.
Another important grooming tip is to invest in a pair of good quality shoes. It doesn’t matter whether you are wearing the most expensive clothes; if you are wearing flip flops in a club, don’t be surprised when she turns you down. Wear shoes that match your outfit and occasion – running shoes doesn’t go well with blazers.
Wear clothes that fits you. If your shirt is too big, get it stitched according to your body shape. Most importantly, dress according to your age. If you are above 35 and still wearing printed Rock Band T-shirt, then people wont consider you to be a responsible adult. Unless the woman you are trying to approach is also a Rock Music fan, she will regard you as immature. If you are unsure what you should be wearing, observe what other men of you same age is wearing. Make sure none of them are the ones you hangout everyday.
Being hygienic and dressing sensibly will make you seem significantly less sketchy.
Approach women at places where they are open to being approached
There is no point in trying to striking a conversation with a women at places where people tend to go only out of necessity like buses, subways, ticket counters, etc. People at these places are in a hurry to reach their office, home or meetings and will detest you stopping them to have a chat. Worse, they might misinterpret your intentions.
So its always best to approach women at places where they go for fun like small parties, dances, museums, pubs, etc. At locations like these, they’re more likely to be in a calm, happy mood an able to easily leave. Chances are, they will be open to new experiences.
Daytime is the best time
Most men try to approach women at night time. Because of this women tend to be more cautious around men at night. She would be ruthlessly screening the people who approach her and there is a high probability of getting rejected.
I believe the best time to approach a woman is when the sun is up. She wont expect men to approach her at day and thus will help break the pattern. Also, during daytime she’ll probably be slightly less worried about her safety, thus feel more at ease and be less worried about a stranger approaching her. After all, all the serial killers roam the streets during the night, right?
Take cues from her appearance
Sometimes people don’t want to talk to anyone; especially strangers, or might be busy with something. If she’s wearing headphones, reading, speaking on a phone/texting, or otherwise absorbed in some activity, don’t try to flirt with her.
If you really have to talk to her, make sure you acknowledge the fact that you know that you are interrupting. But most importantly, never say sorry for interrupting as it shows that you are not confident.
Don’t stare at her like you never seen a woman before
I know, when you see an attractive woman its hard to take your eyes of her. But if you keep on staring at her without approaching, she will consider you to be just another creep who is imagining her naked. Once you meet eyes with her, make sure you make your move within 3 seconds.
If you don’t, then 2 things can happen.
- You will make her uncomfortable
- You will chicken yourself out from approaching her
If you are unsure what to say when you approach her, just say ‘hi’. The enthusiasm with which she responds will tell a lot about how much she likes your presence. Introduce yourself and compliment her on something other than her physical appearance. You can compliment her bag, her scarf, funny quote on her t-shirt etc.
Be extremely careful when showering her with compliments. The line between ‘flattering’ vs ‘trashy’ compliments isn’t well defined. Few compliments that sound flattering to some women may come off as trashy for others and vice versa. It is best that you do NOT say anything like “You have an amazing body/mouth/set of legs/etc. as some women might think you are just another jerk who only wants to sleep with them.
How do you make your move?
Now that you know the basics of how to approach a women, let us dive deep and see how to make your move. Your flexibility in approaches without appearing as creepy directly correlates to how attractive you are. Unfortunately, if you are not so lucky in the genetic front, you may have to use a different approach from other men. Physical looks are subjective. Women often So follow the below approaches based on how you rate your own attractiveness level.
If you are Very Unattractive
If you consider yourself as very unattractive, then you should give special care to your dressing and hygiene. Women only take 180 seconds to decide what they think of a man. In a study conducted in 2010 it was found that the average female spends this time to evaluate physique, facial attractiveness, scent, accent and eloquence. But the interesting finding of the study is that women rarely change their mind after their initial judgement and believe that they are ‘always right’ when it comes to their gut feeling.
Sit near a woman you are interested in and if you make eye contact, just ask her how her night is going.If she gives a disinterested one word response just nod and continue what you are doing. If she responds even a little enthusiastically, ask her why it was good, Ask her questions requiring more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response. The idea here is to make her talk about herself as much as possible. Who doesn’t like to talk about themselves!
If you’re stuck, try reflecting back her feelings and views to show empathy. Listen to her and ask her relevant questions related to what she is talking about. Instead of thinking what to ask, listen to her carefully while she is talking. Taking a second to respond make her feel like you are thinking and processing about what she said and that is a good thing. It means you were listening to her. Ask her how she felt when so and so happened. If she had to do something again how would she do it differently.
Instead of sitting there with a blank face try to mirror what she is doing. If she telling you about something shocking that happened in her life, appear to be shocked. Smile when she says something funny.
If you feel like the conversation is going well then get her number and say you would like to do something sometime.
If you are Unattractive
Approach her and say ‘Hi’. If she is busy with something, apologize and make a non-physical compliment if its appropriate. You can say things like ‘You have a great laugh‘, ‘I liked the way your treated the waitress’, ‘I like the way your eyes glisten when you smile‘. If she takes well to it, say you would like to get to know her better and ask her out. You can also try the previously listed approach.
If you are Average
Approach her and strike up a conversation using the methods we talked about earlier. Just talk to her and try to get to know her as a person. Tell her you would like to continue this some time later and exchange numbers. If she is reluctant to give her number ask her for Instagram or Snapchat ID. You can take cues from previous approaches.
If you are Attractive
In the event that you are genetically blessed with attractive looks, start by making a little bit of small talk with the woman. If possible crack a joke and make her laugh. It will make her like you more. Once you build rapport, tell her you have to be somewhere and ask for her number. Feel free to try the previous approaches as well.
If you are Very Attractive
If you are very attractive why the hell are you reading this article? You can literally walk right up to her and say “I think you are gorgeous, want to go out sometime?”. You can also try the previously listed approaches.
If you are thinking this is appearance discrimination, truth is, we all suffer from it. Almost everyone wants to date someone is better looking than themselves. If you think it doesn’t apply to you, then think of the times you unknowingly stared at an attractive woman. Similarly, I have definitely noticed that women are creeped out by men when they are more creepy than they are attractive.
Always dress neat and clean. Instead of going for the expensive ones, buy clothes that suits you and fits perfectly. Dressing well will make you instantly attractive and make a good impression.
Try the methods I have shown you and let me know in the comments how did your approach go.